In my head I have a concept of two Me's. One Me has everything together, manages money well, has life in balance, has regular washing done and gets to bed at a set time each week. The other Me seems to be the complete opposite of all these perfections I have just described. Which one am I?
Now, I know I'm not the Me that has everything together. I know this because even of I had these things listed in "Together Me" I would still find many things about myself that I am unhappy with. I will never achieve this perfection. However, the fact that I yearn for these things gives me the assurance that the other Me, the "Opposite Me" is not who I am either. If I was completely content with this, it would be a scary thing.
I would like to think that the balance somewhere between these two is where the real Me actually sits roams. Somewhere in the unknown beyond that is this balance is where the cowboy that is me is wandering. They say finding yourself takes a lifetime, I tend to believe this. Occasionally I find myself in this wilderness, but I tend to lose myself again fairly quickly.
Again, I am comforted that I am not the only one struggling with this thought. Even one of the most influential men to walk this planet, Paul, says about himself, "But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"*
Oh wretched man that I am. On the journey to find Me in the wilderness, I must grasp onto that which is bigger than me to hold as an example, a guide, and the strength to carry on.
* (Romans 7:23, 24 NKJV)
