Who I Am vs. Who I Am

In the season 1 finale of Community, Jeff says about his two love interests, "one makes me feel like the me at New Years, with all these resolutions for a better year. The other makes me feel like the me I actually am 3 weeks after New Years when all of the resolutions have gone by the wayside." This is paraphrased as I haven't seen this episode in a little while, but it encapsulates one of the thoughts in my head as of late. This thought is, which of me is me?

In my head I have a concept of two Me's. One Me has everything together, manages money well, has life in balance, has regular washing done and gets to bed at a set time each week. The other Me seems to be the complete opposite of all these perfections I have just described. Which one am I? 

Now, I know I'm not the Me that has everything together. I know this because even of I had these things listed in "Together Me" I would still find many things about myself that I am unhappy with. I will never achieve this perfection. However, the fact that I yearn for these things gives me the assurance that the other Me, the "Opposite Me" is not who I am either. If I was completely content with this, it would be a scary thing. 

I would like to think that the balance somewhere between these two is where the real Me actually sits roams. Somewhere in the unknown beyond that is this balance is where the cowboy that is me is wandering. They say finding yourself takes a lifetime, I tend to believe this. Occasionally I find myself in this wilderness, but I tend to lose myself again fairly quickly. 

Again, I am comforted that I am not the only one struggling with this thought. Even one of the most influential men to walk this planet, Paul, says about himself, "But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?"* 

Oh wretched man that I am. On the journey to find Me in the wilderness, I must grasp onto that which is bigger than me to hold as an example, a guide, and the strength to carry on. 

* (Romans 7:23, 24 NKJV)

The Expected Journey from Non-Ordinary to A Cut Above

When you choose to do something extraordinary, why is it such a surprise when the extraordinary thing ends up harder than you think? And when it ends up harder, why is the natural reaction to turn around to return to the ordinary. No matter how ordinary the ordinary seemed before, when attempting to do the extraordinary, it seems comfortable and peaceful.

I have a non ordinary life. I have chosen to do things that ordinary people would find amazing. It isn't because I am not ordinary. In fact, most of the time I feel very ordinary. I feel as if everyone can do better than what I can without even trying. But non ordinary isn't enough.

Ordinary, non ordinary or extraordinary are to my mind three different things. Ordinary describes something mundane, usual, normality to a point of bordom. Non ordinary is exactly that. It isn't yet extraordinary, but it isn't ordinary. It is sitting on the fence, wanting to be doing something different, but not able to find that thing to set onself apart. It is a half hearted attempt to be extraordinary.

But extraordinary. This is a cut above. This is more than unusual, it is something that makes people wonder.

A Soldier: This is one who lives a life a cut above the rest, and as such naturally demands the respect of those around. A civilian life is not for this. In their training, their job, their task, their goals, they demand more of themselves than any ordinary person. Whether it is in their sense of duty, their personal desire for power, their sacrifice for the greater good, they are in search of something that sets them above the rest.

An Athlete: An athlete lives a non-ordinary life. To take an athlete from a non ordinary life to an extraordinary life, sacrifice, drive and passion are needed. They take a sacrifice that to some would seem ridiculous, but to them it is a way of life. Hardship, hunger, pain, discomfort, all these aspects of their daily life result in an extraordinary result. For this, it is all worth it to even have a chance of the glory that being the best brings. As such, they are respected as extraordinary.

As someone on the search for the extraordinary, I must take hardship, pain, discomfort and the unusual as part of what it is. When hardship takes me by surprise in the pursuit of non-ordinary, I must set myself apart and not give up the path I have chosen. Only in this I can change from ordinary to non-ordinary, and then from that to extraordinary.

The thing that sets apart the extraordinary isn't luck. It isn't comfort. It isn't being in the right place at the right time. It is the determination not to give up when it becomes harder than you thought. It is to accept the pain, the discomfort and to realise all these things pale in comparison to what the result, what the glory and the prize is.

Fight to be extraordinary.